What goes on in my head

I thought about today on my ride what really goes on in my head. During this ride I'm supposed to experience some profound change or have these deep thoughts of deep meaning. But this has simply not happened or at least not to the expected degree. When I'm out riding my thoughts are not poetic and they're not profound. Day after day of the daily grind of riding has turned my thoughts into incomprehensible mush and gibberish. 

I rarely talk to myself anymore and when I do it's not some motivation or pseudo philosophy. I don't berate myself anymore, I don't coach myself anymore. For all intents and purposes I am brain-dead when I am riding. The deeper meanings behind this ride rear themselves at the end of the day when I look at the route that I took and see how far I've come. 

I think of that red line that shows my route which curves and twists similar to that "–" on a tombstone between your date of birth and death that people always say is important. Because even if I try to look at this ride as sterile of the emotion and experience and culture, they will always be there waiting for me. Every day is a small victory and I do not think about this trip in the long term. That doesn't mean I don't think about what I'm doing. And when I do think about California, I get a big smile on my face.